Divorce is like a house fire! Whether an ember that had been simmering finally ignites or a 5-alarm five seemingly spontaneously bursts into flames in a single moment, everything you knew as familiar is suddenly in flames. You stand outside your house, watching while others see the messy inside as it burns, all the things you never wanted them to know.  

You now face a long, complicated, invasive, disorienting and both emotionally and physical overwhelming journey to singlehood. The road is wrought with challenges and is at first unimaginable, steeped in overwhelm and the resultant scattered brain. There are a few things you can do to help gain control over what is happening. 

Take care of yourself … self-care is not selfish, it is self-love. The people who depend on you, need you to be your best.

1.       Eat!  Nutrition is key

  • Easy recipe, order from a food service

  • Eat healthy, reduce alcohol and sugar

2.     Sleep and conservation energy

Your body is using an extraordinary amount of energy to process and execute everything that is being asked of you.

  • Sleep whenever you can, nap.

  • Be careful not to isolate but also make good use of your energy socially.

3.     Identify your support team, your chosen 3-5 people

If you are the reflection of the 5 people you interact with most, who are they? Are they wise and trustworthy? Do they have your best interests at heart? Do they support you as opposed to trying to fix you? Of the group that you choose, consider sharing the minutia with only one or two.

For everyone else in your life, ask yourself if you feel recharged or drained after visiting with them? Limit, if not let go of, your interaction with those who drain you. You can’t afford to give up any energy during this process so, consider the value of connection in the future. Is there any? 

Choose wisely and focus one them. Keep your business within that circle, even when it is tempting to share your business with others. Worst case, your business becomes public knowledge via an untrustworthy connection and at minimum, you will spend a lot less time “updating” everyone on your status.

 

4.     Get organized and ready for change - get your ducks in a row

  • Get a notebook and write EVERYTHING down. Gather all important documents and photograph online accounts.

  • Tackle tasks, not projects

  • Prioritize by importance and do only what is necessary

  • Create a plan for each day and chart your to dos

5.      Educate yourself

  • Check out the Resources tab, especially the  Tools That Help page that lists helpful books, podcasts, social media and much ore.

6.     Tools to help you get through this time

  • Establish “8 minutes” (click to listen) with your chord few and remember to share the positive with them too

  • Nobody goes through a bad day alone – have that person

  • Ask for help! The Divorce process takes a village and helping another makes everyone feel good. Let your friends experience that with you!

  • Give yourself GRACE

  • Live into today’s truth

  • You don’t know what you don’t know – no stories (Klara’s exercise)

  • Make time to Be Still

  • Normal is only a setting on the dryer

  • Find positive, informational and helpful (your needs will change over time) resources: see the Tools That Help page on this website)

  • Glimmers

 

At the end of the day, you did the best that we could at the time with the awareness, information and skills we had. Now you have the opportunity for a fresh start, in spite of it beginning in a mess. 

Time passes and for me, one day I realized that I remember the feelings of the beginning of the divorce journey, but no longer remember how they actually felt. And now, I have a great life because after the house fire was extinguished, I took the time to expand my awareness, gather information and add to and improve my skills in order to bring a new version of me, one more prepared than ever to have a healthy relationship in the future, into my new life.